YIKES! Handling Negative Energy With Love!

 Whilst out and about in my hometown at the 'fancy' shopping area a while back, I ran into a woman I had met many years ago.

 We weren't friends, but knew one another socially, we both had kids that had gone to the same schools.

 Both of our lives had undergone massive transformations in our respective worlds.

Two diversely different stories., ...and either of us could have gone the same as the other.

She had finally caught her rich, older, businessman husband of twenty five years, cheating on her with his long time mistress.

Rumors had abounded for years, and it seemed everyone in town knew about it, except her. Even I had heard about it and had assumed she knew and was fine with the situation.

Apparently not.

She divorced him over the affair, and I heard he settled with twenty million and a beach house,.

 She moved to the beach and set up a new life as a fifty year old, single, rich divorcee.

I'd heard that she had taken on a young tennis instructor boyfriend and that her ex-husband had remarried a woman twenty five years his junior, and it wasn't the long term mistress, ...so much drama,.. and a typical cliched story.

 I had been through the experience of Burning Man, divine epiphany, full body orgasm in the fire, kundalini awakening, deep self exploration, and radical transformation, ...l had undergone drama too, yet, it had served to draw my husband and I closer.

 
We acknowledged one another upon passing and I said "it's Tory, right?" (name changed)

"Yes,..and Deborah?'"she queried.

"Well, yes, ...technically,... but everyone calls me 'DrDeb' now", making a point of explaining my moniker.

"I'm a doctor TOO," she hastily replied, and totally unbeknownst to me that she was a 'doctor', ...a PHD of some sort, maybe?

"So, I guess that makes ME ''Dr Tory'!"she responded aggressively.

"Soooo..I'M going to call you Deborah", she stated flatly, boring her eyes into me, challenging me, as if to say, "who do you think you are, telling ME to call YOU, DOCTOR?".

 I was instantly gripped by an old, dirty feeling from before my transformation,  a childhood sensation, a sick, twisting pain in my solar plexus.

"I wasn't good enough, ..I'm too filled with myself,.. I'm a phony, living a lie",...old pain coursing through my psyche, as my ego rattled off these admonishments belittling myself.

Even with all her millions and the beach house, did I feel superior to her? And had I sounded that way?

I reacted, perhaps a bit too quickly explaining that ''DrDeb'' was my nickname, and that it had been bestowed upon me as an endearment, making an excuse perhaps.

"But, I suppose you didn't know about that ...", I muttered weakly, my voice trailing off... the old, sick feeling expanding.

 She couldn't get away from me fast enough, perhaps it was MY expanding outward, sick energy pushing her away, ...perhaps there was a smugness I exuded...  and she hastily threw out an excuse about having to run 'meet someone',  or 'do something', or 'be somewhere', the excuse was uniform, practiced, rehearsed,... you know it, ...we have all heard it, or said it,...something along the lines of "we can speak later, when I have more time" ...

I knew the lie.

There would be no 'more time' between us.


"Never complain, never explain"...and here I was, explaining, reflecting my image back at me,...

With the twisted sickness stirring around in my gut, my first, literally GUT reaction, was never wanting to encounter her again.
Maybe it was the smug, "I'm so spiritual"ME that I didn't want to encounter again?

Was I experiencing a reflection of my own Self?

Had I really come so far on the path of spirit?
With all her physical material possessions, was I equally encumbered by my own spiritual materialism?

 Both of our energies were so strong. that it extended beyond our physical forms, radiating outwards into one another, taking on a life on its own.

It, was quick, powerful, and reminded of me of what I  must have looked liked,
where I had been, where I had come, and where I NEVER wanted to return.

I didn't want to be making excuses or explaining to anyone who I was or where I'd been....nor did I ever want to fall out of Grace, exuding impervious superiority.

With all her money, she exuded neither love, openness, contentment, or happiness,  she seemed wrapped in ego.

Or was it me I was looking at?... was I any less complicit? Less egoic?

Despite all my spiritual work, was I any different?

Where was MY compassion towards her?

 Each encounter is a lesson, a reminder....

Next time I see her, I'm reminded to be compassionate.

She taught me that, by showing me myself.

The greater the light shines, the greater the shadow cast.

P.S. I ran into Tory recently at a restaurant, and the exchange was markedly different and pleasant. She seemed genuinely delighted to see me,.. so, I had to wonder again, had the negativity I felt from her all those months ago have been my own reflection,?
I'm left to reflect, wonder, and learn.

Friday night at the Bar (or putting the phrase"love everybody" to the test

I was at the Tack Room Tavern,a "polo-crowd" bar at the polo fields with Big B last friday night. I had a bladder infection 2 days before and Big B doesnt drink, so we sat with a plate of food at the bar. We were sitting ,laughing and talking ,when this tall,pale,bleached blonde, thickly made up, woman, in her late forties descended behind us, to "chat".
Her first question to me was "why are dressed like that?" to which I responded, "like what?"
"you really can't wear that, you know...it doesn't look good." she boldly stated, with much certainty.She then continued in a rapid fire manner,"You are so old!How old are you?you are as old as this guy."pointing to the guy in the stool next to me( Paul,a craggy gray haired guy in his sixties sitting next to me, was also listening in to her rant, and felt quite pleased to be included , even if to be used as an example of how "old" I was.).Leaning into Brian's face,she slurred,"you must be 30 years younger than her!Is she a trust fund baby? She 's a trust fund baby. Hang onto her and ride the wave til its gone!" she advised Big B.
She turned back to me,"So, how old ARE you?"
I replied,"I think I'm about the same age as YOU."
"Oh God, Im not as old as you."-she said.
"I think you're very drunk" I stonily said,staring into her unfocused eyes.
"NO, Im not drunk at all", reaching for her wine.
Paul and I looked at one another and shook our heads, "sad", "yes. sad".
I'd never been affronted like that before, it was oddly fun.
My thoughts and feeling were as follows, she WAS sad and unhappy. She needs to NOT drink ever if she wants to have friends or be invited to social gatherings!
It was a lesson in deep acceptance and I needed to love her even more than someone easy to love.
After saying our goodbyes to Paul, Big B and I slipped away.I was left with a dirty sensation that took all of 3 minutes to shrug off.

Fear and Loving in Las Vegas

I was a guest in an opulent palace and an opulent experience yesterday,it was called the "Mansion".Its a very secret(private) exclusive part of the MGM Grand hotel In Vegas.
ONLY high rollers(I'm guessing minimum of 125,000.00$,thats just a guess) can stay there. It is the nexus of exclusive and decadence. It was fun but more than that ,it was seductive.Not for me, but I imagine that many folks would lust after this type of situation. Picked up in a private jet,premier seats at the gaga concert,the most expensive champagne, best table at the best club, roped off with a personal bodyguard,everything in the 5000 ft villa computerized, fresh flowers, private waiters that serve you "room service" at 3 am.,with white linens in the dining room of the villa. indoor pool in the villa,,,,and on and on,,.and on
But ,being an INclusive person, I was able to see from the inside out what it was like to be an EXclusive person(this is a choice ,btw!). one of the women in my small group of 6(I had just met her),told the body guard to get rid of some girls that had entered our cordoned off area of the club-she didn't like their dancing. Another man in the group,had also asked the bodyguard to remove some girls from the area because they were too heavy! OK, Im not even going to GO THERE!! I saw these 2 in the group as the most scared, the most controlling, the most unhappy.I;m not saying they were mean people, they weren't .They were kind and generous, but not to everyone.I took it all in,including one of the most decadent moments of my life.This is when my girlfriend and I had to pee.The 6'4"260 lb bodyguard escorted us,HOLDING our HANDS,to the restroom through the crowded club,clearing a space for us.He then proceeded to open the toilet door, walk in, FLUSH the toilet,take a paper towel and WIPE OFF THE SEAT for us.!!
2 things Im left pondering(among lots of other things)
#1.does living like this make you happier?
(NO, obviously!)
But, people think it does.
And,#2.I realized, there are people who LIVE their lives like this everyday(not just my one day), not many, but some, pop,movie, and rock stars,for sure.Everyday- hounded,everyday- stressed out,everyday having your ass kissed,your butt (metaphorically) wiped.
I thought of Michael Jackson, the tormented man,who died young.He lived like that,
Was it worth it?

hopeless in the desert

I was hiking in the mountains above the desert yesterday evening. Its spectacular up the 74 hwy,and 18 degrees cooler than the floor. As I was walking, I had a continuous stream of thoughts in my head, you know, the voice talking up there... all at once, I grew tired of the voice and my attention turned to the question of "why" was I hiking? to commune with nature?To be out of the desperate heat down below? To get a work out? all of these?In that moment ,I sensed a shift...I stopped,and was overcome with an emotion.There was uncertainty and I couldnt define it ,it melted into me and I went deeper into the feeling.It was painful,..I knew it..after a thorough search of my emotions data bank, I determined it ... hopelessness.I felt overcome with a hopeless feeling that no matter how much "work" I did,meditation, study, reading, yoga, breath work,...I could never break free of the voice, the habitual,incessant chatter of my thoughts....I was frozen,with no impulse driving me forward to take the next step."the next step to where?" I asked myself.I peered around the impending corner and saw ahead that the upcoming bend in the trail offered the same view,the same foliage, the same nature as where I was standing.In this new moment, I realized ,brightly, that where I was headed on the trail was NO different from where I was.To me, this seemed profound. No moment up ahead was better than the moment I was in! THIS MOMENT WAS THE ONLY ONE!
I paused in the enormity of the realization,smiling,"I could stop,I could just stop walking"...and I did. I turned around, facing the trail I had just walked past but seeing it as if for the first time.The scrubby brush was head high with the evening sunset blazing, brilliantly- orange fire, like a copper wash. The brush was red branches, copper dipped in emerald green.And every bush was alive! alive with the dazzling light of the sun, setting behind the far off mountains .I imagined it was a sea full of people,sitting on blankets,like at Coachella,watching a concert. ..and I was weaving in and out of them, respectfully threading my way back through them. I paused when I passed a large pinon pine tree,..the smooth ,flowing wind was blowing through its needles making a sound, that with reflection, became the waves crashing on a, not too distant, beach.The waves/wind ceaselessly caressing the pine tree needles ,slicing them apart, massaging their underbellies with a cool,fragrant, breeze. In this moment and each one that followed ,there was NO VOICE! I had to feel hopeless to be free from the thoughts.
I was reminded that the most delicious gardens grow from wasted decay and garbage.That the seed springs forth from the fertile soil of dung.That to recognize hope,freedom, and presence,we must go through darkness, for without the darkness ,there can be no appreciation of the light.
love, light, darkness, and hopelessness, all are welcome.

Blah,Blah,Blog

thats what my hubbie calls it.
Ok, the cleanse continues!Day 7.
the initial euphoria has dimmed some what ,perhaps because Im getting used to this heightened awareness. Yes, Im clearer and energetic,with 5 pounds down.
5 pounds?-This is the truly amazing part.
For a year,I have been very very very slowly gaining a little weight, maybe 3 pounds.I have a muffin top for the first time,... And my clothes have been feeling tighter around the rib area.I think to myself,"if I was 5 pounds less,they wouldnt feel tight".
But,I told me,"I'm perfect the way I am, Im older now and need more weight on my body".
My butt looks great when Im a little bigger.BUT! I love my clothes and dont want to get new ones, these took me years to find, they are vintage,funky, fabulously reincarnated, and some are handmade for me. Its not like Im going down to Macys or ann taylor to procure off the rack. No, this has taken years of hunting, bargaining, rummaging, discovering treasures, to collect,so.... ,I wasn't about to consider the possibility that I couldn't wear them!
but,that aside...I mean,after all ,weight loss was a SIDE effect,...remember, I told myself that.
The real reason I did it was to see if I could DO it,to see if I was disciplined enough..Well, yes,I am,, even with a major headache set back at the start of it. Yes, I could, and I can. And that alone feels good, in addition to weight loss, and redirection of energies.
So, today, I felt hungry for the first time, ...not cravings,I dont think, but,hungry.
Sunday night is the last day of my fast.I have a special sacred ceremony planned with other fasting folks of light minded ilk, light workers and healers of the soul.We are amassing at the Lightning in a Bottle festival.
What should I eat? I havent thought about that?

Day 5 of my first fast EVER!
Hard to believe that I have never thought to do this....hhmmmm,did I believe I was not ready or didn't need too?
This is a lesson folks. everyone needs to bE WITHOUT food to understand your relationship with it and how our lives revolve around it.
Why? some might ask? Just shut up and eat!
Because being aware of your habits and your behaviors makes you a better person...did I write better person? yes, I did. To do anything blindly,without thoughts or intention ,is to take it for granted. In any relationship, we must maintain a vigilant awareness of the relationship so as to make it healthier, stronger, more beautiful. Cultivating and creating our foods ,relationships, and our lives. Bringing awareness to each simple act, even taking a bite of food.
Food isn't just about being hungry. No, its much more, as anyone who has a disorder(overeating or starving) will share with you. Food is comfort,stability, security, ...so now, take it away...what do you have? A whole lot of time on your hands, to do a lot more things, like dance, sing, create, sew, surf, fix stuff,...
Yes, Im liking this "no food" fast. I have my lemons,maple syrup, and my cayenne to keep me happy, and amazingly, its doing just that.I feel great! Clear!
So, take my advice, try it.
especially if you are going through a hard time in life right now, something big and stressful.The fast will help you get clarity,...it will...
Not only is it a colon cleanse, its a psyche cleanse too.
love and lemons(or should I write "lovin lemons!"?).

master cleanse day 3

Im not intending to lose weight ,but know it to be a side effect. The real purpose was to see if I COULD do it at all. I wanted to test my discipline that had gotten weaker as of late.Lazy.I like the sloth but dont want to become one.
This cleanse is about cleaning out your mind,body, and psyche, and after only 2 days,(this is day 3) seems to be doing just that.Im not sure if the effect is psychological ,or how it works on us, but it has something to do with our ATTACHMENT to food. Im NOT hungry,amazingly, at all! But, we attach a lot of interaction around food gathering, activity, preparation, emotion, "did you like it" you ask your kids. your hubs feels appreciative that you cooked for him(hopefully)or disappointed if you didnt. ,so there is a lot of FEELINGS associated with it.
I would definitely wean caffeine before trying to go without it. I usually had 1-2 cups a day before.so it wasnt bad except for the almost- migraine headache from hell.
Caffiene is one of the "toxins"(not my word!) that is cleansed from the body. I admit to having a little veg soup broth in the evening when I had the headache with an additional NONO,advil, but I had no recourse.
I feel better than I have for months and wonder why? I got things done yesterday that had been sitting on my list for weeks and today should get more done.The pesky chores that HAVE to be done (applications, jury duty, fundraiser material, getting the lights fixed, fixing the bike, washing the giant rug,etc...).
They say it is easier if you do it with someone and if you dont have to cook for others,which I do.I have lost 3 pounds,that I had slowly gained over the last year. Not a bad thing in this culture.
Try it if you want to enhance your energy and clarity, it works
ENTHUSIASTIC love!

master cleanse-my personal saga

So, here I am,day #2 of this lemonade feast! Yesterday was awful.It started out ok, but ended up with a 19 out of 10 pain on a scale of 10 being the worse. my head began to hurt and slowly built up to a crescendo while driving my kid to the movies.I was incapacitated and couldn't speak. I barely made it home, praying and crying for it to be gone. My hubs insisted that I eat soup broth.I did ,with 2 advil and an ice pack. 30 minutes later,it subsided. Now, in the first place, Im doing this for spiritual advancement and discipline.Weight loss is secondary,Well, thats what Im telling myself anyway. Regardless of the motivation,I have now begun to completely rethink or THINK of my relationship with food,I've known food a long time and have taken it for granted . Never realizing how psychologically attached I was to the stuff. So many aspects of food that I never think about. Well, thats changed!I am now not only thinking about food ,but about how it affects me.
And as far as being an UNHEALTHY thing to do.SMoking, drinking,overeating, and sex with strangers is a hell of a lot worse than lemons,maple syrup, and cayenne.
Im going to try to keep this up for awhile..Day 2 has been interesting.I started the second part of the cleanse,which is the salt water flush.You add 1 teaspoon of salt to a warm glass of water and drink it.Within 10 minutes, you had better make a move to the potty cause you are gonna be pooping!I actually liked the taste of the salt,I pretended like it was chicken soup and it really did taste good.I've lost 3.5 pounds.When I look at myself,I look the same.I asked my friend,Nesa,who had done this cleanse many times before, where was the the weight lost from? She answered"grief". HA!
I felt light headed all day but with amazing bursts of energy. I got a lot of lingering tasks done today that had been festering for weeks. And, things that bother me normally, like nagging thoughts about my kids or my husband seemed to dissipate as quickly as the thoughts arose,...I like that .
I'll keep you updated in case you are considering doing this.It is quite an experiment in getting to know yourself better and I respect everyone who has done it. It feels purifying, empowering, and go figure, CLEANSING!

Sex,I mean,Saks ,therapy...not needed

I was at Saks Fifth Ave the other day with my hubs and daughter who were doing a photo shoot for the upcoming Fathers Day issue of Palm Springs Life Magazine.Brian was modeling, Mikaela was the photographer. I was watching the shoot from the shoe dept... When I began to notice the patrons of the shoe dept and their interactions with the sales folk. I watched as an older ,well dressed woman in her 60's strategized with the sales person. The fact that they both knew each other on a first name basis was my first clue ...The salesman explained to the second saleswoman"Ms Jenkins would like to put 500$ on her card on file and the rest on this personal card". Ms Jenkins apparently hoping to manipulate the cards so that whoever was in charge of paying them didn't see how much she was spending in the shoe dept. that day. They all smiled smugly,all -knowing. I realized that this was her therapy. Her "Saks Therapy".Her smile was clever and complicated, like a gambler who just won a slot machine.
I continued to observe this scene play out again and again, as I sat waiting for the photo shoot to end. These women were getting their 'fix', their 'hit' of momentary "happiness". ..I had to wonder, was I like that ,not so long ago? Before I had my spiritual awakening? Seeking meaning and fulfillment in shopping?
I've come a long way down this beautiful path.......no saks therapy needed.

bliss is attainable

having attained a blissful state( Im not always there,but I have reached it),it is my personal experience to KNOW bliss. Bliss is definitely NOT an emotional state controlled by thoughts and feelings..it is a state of complete absence of thinking ,dissolution of sensory input,and hyper-acuity.......I have no desire to explain it or how to attain it. I know it.If you wish to experience it,you will have to want it, study, seek, explore, and believe in your perfection.
By maintaining an emotional state of anger,disappointment or frustration because others have not lived up to your expectations is the fertile ground where the seeds of unconditional love ,awareness, and KNOWLEDGE are planted. Remember, poop makes the best soil.
but, hoping to change the world with love and happiness by exacting contempt/anger/unhappiness on humanity is like using a condom when you want to have a baby.
walking a spiritual, enlightened path means discipline. Reading about bliss and experiencing or
living bliss are as different as watching football in your living room or being the quarterback in the super bowl.
Know this,happiness is attainable, bliss is available.Start by loving your self.

New York is the best INTERACTIVE performance piece of all!

We had an amazing trip to New York, we realized that the entire city is a performance piece , a stage, and everyone participates.every character is represented, the rich,club owning playboy who desires true happiness, the beautiful woman with the better than you attitude, the ancient jewish grandmother who breathes New york like life blood, the crazy guy with the big talk, the con man, the russia wife, the silly japanese girl, the elegant maven, the socialite denizen, the tortured artist, the homeless intellectual, the wall street shark,the excited collegiate,the jester, the clown, the cowboy, the mother, the cabbie from poland that bought his home ,the curious, the chess playing boy, the loud mouth fast talking hustler, the quiet watcher,the black clad cigarette smoking cachetic model with the pale skin and sunken cheek bones ,the brooklyn girls in high stilletto heels stumbling drunk down the cobbled stoned streets of chelsea looking for a husband with a job,...everyone actively playing the part wonderfully-which makes it the largest scale performance piece of all, and when I come , I get to be IN it!.. the lady-doctor,who performs in Rock operas,present in the midst of seeming chaos, with rainbow dreads from california that meditates in the middle of the street! my handsome, smoking hot neurosurgeon husband. wow, what a host of charcters.

see u again...on to coachella
love and fired up
dr d

changing habits-surrender vs desire and resistance

at the start of yoga today,we made an intention.Mine was to change old behavioral patterns/habits. By the end of class right as we began corpse pose, Carol told the class to surrender.In my mind ,I pictured Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz". and the black smoke in the sky"SURRENDER DOROTHY" and realized that the movie was a metaphor for the life of illusion we live. As I surrendered into the pose, I knew that I was also surrendering my desperate desire to CHANGE my reactive behaviors, and the anger I felt towards the people that I was directing my reactive behavior to. As soon as I surrendered , I realized that my behavior, my feelings of anger , my feelings of frustration , and my disappointment with myself at being unable to change had dissolved. Just by the power of surrender, I had ceased to resist or fight the behavior and it was changed, In my surrender, I became aware of the "stuckness" of my resistance.Even though I wanted to change ,I was so needy and desirous of change that it actually was keeping me IN the behavior patterns,.That the patterns of behavior were intertwined with my inability to change it.It frustrated me and I couldnt change it, As soon as I relaxed into surrender of what IS , I was able to see...becoming aware,overcoming frustration and changing my desire. WOW.

To SHAVE or not to shave?

Personally, I feel that the whole TREND of totally shaving one's pubic region is akin to desiring to be soooooo young,in this agist culture ,obsessed with youth,that we actually want to be children again.. It gets very close.
There's no hygenic reason...does it look "better"? I understand a bikini wax, a trim ...but naked down below,yikes! ,,,,realistically, it looks like a pre-pubescent girl...labia exposed...nothing to prevent friction or a rash(yes, there is actually a REASON why you get it!)...similar to geishas having their feet bound to look like little girls... ..., fetish becomes mainsteam stuff. But, thats just my opinion....
When I ask women "why" they do it, they say"it looks better"( it looks like a child) ,"its cleaner"( not so, and really, how dirty ARE you?),or "my guy likes it" ( guys like whatever they can get).
Cultural pressure to look like everyone else.?or designed to look like a very young girl?
And then, at what point do you stop shaving?
Childbirth? menopause? when you're 80? I mean there is a turn around point where you actually want more hair!
There is NO pubic hair on a old woman.
If I had a guy that insisted on it, I would drop him.
I want my man to want a woman to look like a woman,not a child.
I can only say what makes ME uncomfortable..
I AM discouraged at glorifying shaven pubic areas in woman trying to look like girls.
Strong empowered women do not need to look like little girls.The Goddess is perfectly coifed, as is.
And true Gods appreciate the well kept,neatly trimmed, but biologically active WOMAN.
This is just one more subservient process that we go through to change our bodies.

I went to a wellness expo in Rancho Mirage this past weekend.They were selling a service that "removes and improves cellulite".
Did you know that the word cellulite was INVENTED? It was invented in the 60,s to sell a product that got rid of it, because only if you have something can you get rid of it! And ,girl, they made sure as hell that you want to get rid of the "nasty demon,cellulite!"
I remember as a thin,healthy, young woman struggling for years to rid myself of something that I am SUPPOSED to have!
that something is estrogen.
I have estrogen .
So What is the function of estrogen in the body?
To promote secondary sexual characteristics in women(and men too if you are a man that wants to be a woman).
So what are these characteristics that make us female?
Well, one of them, a very important one,is FAT DEPOSITION,aka,cellulite.
we gain fat stores when we go through puberty so that we can prepare our bodies for baby making.
How ironic is it that breast fat is "good"(large breasts)yet,thigh fat is bad(cellulite)?
In other words, there is no cellulite.It is a made up concept that makes women want to go out and buy stuff to be more "beautiful".
Stay healthy, work out every day ( yes, the newest studies show that we need to work out 1 hour every day),eat less meat, eat more fresh food without packaging,visit the farmers market on wed.morning, and re-train your mind to KNOW that cellulite is a MYTH perpetrated on us by marketing

Art that is OFFENSIVE and The shaving of the pubic area.

what constitutes"offensive"?
I write a blog in the Desert Sun newspaper in my local town.
Sometimes I post the same blog as this one.
Yesterday, I copied this blog regarding "jeans suck" and pasted it in the newspaper blog.
WHOOPS! The photo attached was one taken this past weekend at an art gallery. I had been asked to pose with my middle finger out in front of a Peter Guntz Photo of a naked woman holding up her middle finger,giving the "fuck you" sign.
It was Art within art.I thought it fit the "jeans suck". title.
I didnt really notice that she had a shaved pubic area in the photo. So what?
Its art,its his idea of art. I didnt really like the shaved look but it isnt MY art.
Ok, beyond the question of "what is art?" is the question of "what is offensive?.
many people were offended by the photo in the news blog.
Personally, I feel that the whole TREND of totally shaving one's pubic region is akin to pedophilia. It gets very close.
There's no hygenic reason...does it look "better"? I understand a bikini wax, a trim ...but naked down below,yikes! ,,,,realistically, it looks like a pre-pubescent girl...similar to geishas having their feet bound to look like little girls... ..., fetish becomes mainsteam stuff. But, thats just my opinion....So, what if the girl in the photo was 14?..or 16? would that be offensive? help me out here...when does art cross into tasteless cross into porno cross into pedohilia?
I can only say what makes ME uncomfortable and what makes ME sick.
I was not bothered by the photos at all.I AM discouraged at glorifying shaven pubic areas in woman trying to look like girls.
Strong empowered women do not need to look like little girls.The Goddess is perfectly coifed, as is.
And true Gods appreciate the well kept,neatly trimmed, but biologically active woman.

Jeans suck! Yes, they do!

Arent we done with jeans yet? oh yes, and khaki too.They had a nice run ,becoming the American uniform along with baseball caps(cringe),T shirts(save them for kids summer camp please), and sneakers(they stink ,good for running ,bad for fashion)
I just finished Fashion Week on El Paseo here in the strange land of Palm Desert/Palm Springs.
Night after night, there was an abundance of fabulous.fun creations on the runway. Like minnie mouse and andy warhol colliding.
Or the love child of Stevie Nicks and Tim burton.
My mouth hurt from smiling.
BUT, in the "appropriately" clad audience was mostly Chanel suits and black dresses. The gap between Subtle-classic and Boring-uniform is not too far apart.A beautiful aspect of the show was ,as someone mentioned to me at the after party at Melissa Morgans gallery (which BTW, is crazy ass edgey and fly!),"This was a place where you could be appreciated Dr.Deb, for what you bring to the world", referring to my radical fashion sense. It never occurred to me that, for once ,I was a part of the show, instead of being a sole straggler walking around dressed "funny". yes, it felt good and comfortable to be among creative folks who understand art and the art of fashion.It was home..
so, for all of you that still claim that blue jeans are great,I challenge you to be more fanciful,colorful,bold, outlandish...lets up the fashion, at least in our little part of the world.It doesnt have to cost anything,
Think thrift shops.
Think India! (for color and fabric)
think Victorian!
THINK!!
Create!
explore!
Play in your closet.Shop in your closet.
the one thing I would love to hear eliminated from our language
-scenario-you walk into a store,try something on, and the salesperson says to you"that would look great with jeans"...put your hands over your ears and RUN screaming from the store.
Ok, the challenge is on...

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yes,Im working away on my book and everyday it gets better ,more pure, neater, a tidy little package that tells a story about my journey.Its about using radical fashion to engender interactive experiences with people and the world around you.A world so middle of the road, so drifting to the middle, that only acclaimed artists(lady gaga?) are allowed to break free of the mold.We dress in jeans,sweats, t- shirts,and baseball caps.These are the ACCEPTABLE garments of our modern, bland society.
in our hearts and soul, we are brilliant,creative,passionate souls.
Where has our ingenuity gone?
Why do we wear the khaki and denim uniform of conformity?
And, whose rules are we conforming too?
has fashion,art, and creativity gotten to the lowest point?
Remember the renaissance! the 60's! Remember COLOR! Remember ruffles,pink, tutus, hats!!!
rainbow is the new BLACK!
Together we can start a revolution of creation. We can learn to recycle old clothes, make them new again, add lace, add puffy paint.
Together we can create a world so that when you leave your home and hit the outside, you can be greeted with an abundance of wit,inspiration, happiness, and joy, all in the fashion around you.
Yes, we can do this! We can start a movement to be alive,to become walking works of art, so everywhere you go, is an art gallery and the people are the canvases.
Ahhh...your senses will be so happy.
POSTED BY DR DEB AT 9:53 AM
LABELS: CREATION, FASHION, JOY, RADICAL

we spend most of our lives older!

Yes,I realize it now.Now,that my youth is rapidly being replaced by wisdom.
It began with my physical form,the eyes, I needed reading glasses .Then, the ears kicked out,"what did you say?"I began to repeat.
I don't even remember what it was like to hear well.
Remembering.
I sorta remember what it was like to rip our clothes off in haste to have to make love...
We delude ourselves by being distracted with life and responsibilities.
When its probably best to face the fear (yes,fear) of loss,aging,dying, and go deeper into the feelings.
Real learning happens when we go deeper into the fear.
Truth and the teachings of life are found within the experience of facing fear.
Bravery is being a coward and facing the fear anyway.

headphones that cancel THOUGHTS

We were sitting around the fire last night on the equinox when my hubbie brought out these noise canceling head phones. When you put them on, the sound of the distant train and the fountain in the yard were erased.You could still hear the sounds of our voices speaking. It was amazing. Then it occurred to me,wouldn't it be great to have a pair of THOUGHT canceling head phones for the incessant chatter that goes on in our heads constantly.A device that could instantly quiet your thoughts!
You literally couldn't hear yourself think.
Wow.
Silence.
Quiet.
Peace.
Not just from outer noise, but from the inner conversations that prattle on and on.....

"That takes balls!" or that takes ovaries

Men are great,lets just get that out of the way for all of the male ' woman bashers' that deride us for wanting to have equality.
Who call us"feminists", which,BTW, is a good term!
Remember, you have a woman for a mom...and I have a husband and a son and a dad.
There's nothing wrong with women desiring equal respect,equal pay,and equal esteem.
With that said,I watched a reality show called "Celebrity Fit Club" where a marine sergeant barked at the male contestant,after losing 7 lbs of weight,"That takes balls,man...that takes gonads made out of steel!".
Seriously folks, would he have said that to a woman? Would we have heard him yell "that takes OVARIES,woman!...ovaries made out of steel!"?
No."balls" has come to imply, bravery,guts, strength. We even say it to women.
And,losing weight requires bravery?
Discipline, yes, hard-work and will power,sure...but, bravery?
How about child birth?
What does that take? How about strength,... and guts and bravery? How many guys do you know would pass an 8 lb. cannonball through their body,willingly? Destroy their 'youthful figure' and leak milk for months?
Im sure some would say it takes "balls", but that would be silly,wouldnt it?
Cause only ovaries of steel can supply you with the bravery to do what we do ,on a regular basis,with little validation and less respect -supplying the human race with the ability to continue.
and p.s., yes ,of course we need your swimming cells to germinate, but really, its not the same guys.

Life goes by fast? I THINK NOT!

"Life goes by fast",I totally disagree with this overused and widely accepted cliche. Seriously, who started this rumor?
As a rumor dispeller(I made this word up-that's legal), I'd like to dispel this one.
DAYS can go by fast,especially when you are falling in love,traveling in an exotic destination,or trying to meet a deadline,but,LIFE doesn't speed past.
I hardly remember most of my early childhood because it was so long ago.Same with the early years of my own children-it also seems like a long time has passed since then.
That's because it has, life stretches out behind you and also before you. With this in mind,relax, you can do it tomorrow.For now,chillax...be authentic,true,and grateful...laugh a lot and out loud...and enjoy life to the fullest, because you are here a looooonnnngggg time.

making love vs having sex

for some folks, there may not be a difference.Ive been told that especially with men, there is no separation.
I don't believe this. So here is what I believe,...sex is basic,necessary, and driven...making love is a union of more than just the body, it is a spiritual ,creative, art form that involves a greater level of investment.
The end result but be the same ,but the ultimate intention of making love is to share your SELF with someone else, not just your body.A mingling of body fluids AND ethers. Where all the senses are heightened,touch is intensified, smell is intoxicating, and sight is beautiful.
" Making love" is a gourmet meal of the senses, "having sex" is fast food for the bodily urges.
now, go out and make some love.

roadmaps of forgiveness

I am always questioning myself.Not about trivial pursuits like what should I wear or what to make for dinner, but about the big stuff in life. Why was I ever mean to my kids when I was raising them? Why did I say dumb things to people ? Sometimes ,I'll find something that I wrote 2 years ago.I have a habit of writing inside the book covers of my special "self-help" books.When I re- read the advice I would have given to a mom whose daughter was acting out, I was appalled. It sounded like I was coming from some great and high throne,King Solomon-like, and was detached from the event.As I reread it, it sounded so egoic to me.It caused me to cringe. I am so glad I never spoke with the woman, she would still think I was a bitch. But,at the time ,it seemed coherent and wise. In 2 years,I've grown . Hopefully, by reviewing what we say and think over time, we can look at ourselves,in retrospect and laugh instead of of gritting our teeth,and cringing, like I did ,when I reread the dribble. I guess this is where the important aspect of forgiveness comes into play. we need to be able, not only to forgive our current selves but the self we were in the past. Thats why its important to write stuff down, so we can go back, see where we were and see where we've come.Like a road map...
When we only document our lives through photographs, we realize that the photos are posed,non candid, almost fake...smiling faces shining outwards, projecting to the world ...but words, they tell the truer story.

I had a dream about someone this morning .
I guess you would call her an X-friend,..I referred to her at the time of our prolonged "breakup" as a "frien-nemy'. She taught me the meaning of that... anyway, it was a lucid dream, real, either you are aware that you're dreaming or you wake within it, this one I knew was a dream...and the amazing thing was,she had finally lost the extra 5 pounds she had been talking about and trying to lose in my 8 year relationship with her.
And I was happy for her.
We stood on the banks of an urban river, clear and warm, surrounded by tall skyscrapers on both sides,..and I was going in, ..she was trying to get her kids to come with her because she had a performance she needed to attend...instead , she dove into the water ahead of me,.I was delighted,amused,...she was wearing her proverbial cashmere sweater with her perfect hair style and done makeup, and her thighs were thin,..I laughed, we both did, at her strength and carelessness, her spontaneity.... i wish now that our relationship had been more like the dream...because deep down, inside of her, is that authentic,vibrant person yearning for release, unconcerned about her or her's kids social status,... standing and playing like a child,unafraid,happy.
It felt really good

Too much Haiti?...or not enough?

This earthquake in a third world nation jolted me into a massive wave of compassion, that sometimes,because we are living our quotidian lives,we allow to flag.My personal biggest fear,as evidenced by my panic when I have to go into the MRI,is closed spaces.I have meditated on this recent series of events where folks have been smashed under suffocating concrete for days, with no inkling of outcome...I dont know how my psyche could handle it, it is immeasurable suffering in so many ways, please, right at this moment,while reading this,even if you don't believe in our connectedness, offer a breath of release and love and light to those still trapped under the rubble.I know, or think I know, that if it were me in there,I would get some relief just knowing that you cared enough to send me your heartlove,...
Have you considered HOW this will bring about a change in the world?
Take a moment to think about this...
After the Supreme Court ruling that Corporations have the same Rights as individuals,I now understand that WE did this to ourselves.I'm not talking about the actual earthquake,but the lack of thought/compassion that we had towards their plight.
In regards to the corporations,WE bought all the plastic toys, WE overindulged as a culture, we are all culpable...and now, our karma is upon us. How do we make restitution? ...By being compassionate, giving, understanding, changing our attitudes and our behavior from ME,ME,ME to US,US,US. Old habits ,hard to change, but we can do it, we can..
buy less,love more.

what is a TRIBE?

TRIBE is a powerful family that is of your choosing.It doesn't have to be related by name or DNA.It is a safe place to rest your soul. Safe meaning trust. A group of like hearted individuals that form a deep connection, perhaps through or in the process of being a part of something that is bigger than yourself.You will and can recognize your tribe by the feelings of absolute unconditional love you feel for each one in the tribe. Inviting each member to be their Self,allowing them space to do their thing, even if their thing isn't always something that you agree with,although generally, a tribe will coalesce into such a loving consciousness and presence and respect for one another that whatever someone else's THING usually becomes a beautiful aspect of that person that you learn to accept and grow to appreciate. Tribe is trust.Tribe is nurturing.A much under appreciated aspect of modern society as we all, even mothers, need to be mothered,fathered,parented,... nutured. It is the space where you can reveal, be silent, relax, cuddle, touch hearts, express, cry, feel, and not be judged, but be loved and comforted.It is a space where you can be you, dropping the identities you may have built up outside your tribe, like"mom", "wife", "Doctor","'engineer", "writer", "waitress",yes, you are still these identities but not defined by them.As if you had been washed clean of the layers and are revealed as a child again. The only thing required to be a member is trust and respect. we are here for our tribe,always and all ways. It includes friendship, family, and deep bonds of love. Without a tribe, you may be adrift in the sea of insanity.Your tribe offers a place of refuge for your soul, a place where your soul can play and rest, recharge. I give my deepest unconditional love and gratitude to mt tribe.Thank you from the depths of my heart for giving my soul a well of love to drink and a buffet of experiences.Thank you for the mindful practices you bring to even the simple actions of preparing and serving food or lighting a fire.Thank you for snuggling and laughing so hard it hurts,...and offering and smiling and a hand on the shoulder.Life has expanded outwards so far because of you that I cannot, nor do I want, to try to contain my love.

Fur those of you with an open heart and mind!

Recently,my friend posted a comment on her Facebook wall "why are people so bothered by FUR and not leather?".
A woman(call her 'kiva") that responded to my friend's wall post stated" why should you give a rat's ass? ..they are just jealous!". Oh, really? Are they?
I pondered Kiva's glib retort...and thought about my 14 year old daughter's undying conviction to save the animals, her truly deep, empathic nature that deemed her a self proclaimed vegetarian at the age of 8, meeting strong resistance from her parents(yes, I resisted due to the protein concern).It hurts my daughter in a deep ,primitive way to eat or kill animals. I'm sure there are folks who feel similarly about a multitude of issues, abortion being one of them.
With that in mind, my daughter isn't JEALOUS AT ALL of someone's fur wearing. I offered an answer to my friend's FB query that it perhaps was because we raise and kill the animals for the fur only,while, with leather, it is a byproduct of eating the cow( note: we don't make DOG coats). I further suggested that if she chooses to wear fur,do it with intention.
She already has bought it, so honor the animal and be grateful for the skin.
I want to discuss the woman, Kiva, further,the one that made the remark regarding "you shouldnt care a rat's ass...they are jealous!". What I'd like to do is DECONSTRUCT her habitual, thinking process or NON thinking process that was the foundation of her remarks. Let's first break it down,"you shouldnt care or give a rat's ass"-actually, you should care about what is hurtful to others.I'm not suggesting that you live trying to make everyone happy, but you need to take responsibility for the wearing of the fur. You know that it hurts people so honor that,wear the fur with love and gratitude, even if it is your attitude. In your heart ,be grateful for the beauty of the animal's coat.This will be felt as an energy that will permeate out from you and any shame associate with it will be diminished. Be thoughtful in the future and perhaps you will make a different choice, there are fabulous faux furs that are very warm.
Second, breaking down the next statement"They are just jealous!". HHMMM..maybe this woman is projecting her own thoughts, maybe SHE is jealous...and, of what? the price? the expense? the luxury? ..what would someone be jealous of? I believe she crafted that remark to be obsequious,same thing as "kissing up". But, I might be wrong about that, Jealousy is something you want that someone else has, the very last thing an animal activist desires is REAL FUR to wear! To covet an item such as a fur implies PRIDE, as if someone is PROUD of owning something expensive, and well, come on folks, thats just EGO!
Anyway, when I woke up this morning to check my friend's profile, she had deleted ALL comments related to the fur issue.When I asked her "why?",she said some people "got violent". WOW! That means they identified with the issue of the fur. When I tried to find this woman, Kiva,to see who she was,(ie, NRA?) she had BLOCKED me!
Some people, not only don't like anyone who has a different opinion from them, but they are afraid to be exposed to a different view or paradigm, it scares them....and that, my friends ,leads to a closed heart and a closed mind!
I hope you are not afraid of an opposing viewpoint!

People that make assumptions shouldnt throw insults

I thought that "The Four Agreements" was a book many people had read.Apparently not.I was verbally accosted by a man recently who said I called his wife"fat". Now, honestly, I have NEVER,EVER called anyone fat, not even my fat family members!I figure that everyone is exactly the way they are supposed to be at this moment in time, so I was taken aback by his attack. What I had said to her was " look at the watermelon you're carrying!". She was 8 months pregnant with twins! So, actually, she was carrying a very large fruit basket in her belly! As this was meant to be an endearment, she obviously didnt feel that way and she assumed I called her fat,well, thats what her husband told me, actually,it may have been him that made the assumption.. It was months later when her hubbie confronted me.He yelled at me and told me that I couldnt say anything "like that " to his wife because "she is very,very sensitive about her weight."HMMMM,...I was left wondering,who was more sensitive, him or her? She seems like a fairly strong woman, that would not be "upset" by a benign comment made with the intention of being sweet. It was a grand lesson for me that when people assume one thing, when you never implied anything, means they have an expectation for others to walk on glass,i.e, be aware of THEIR sensitivities, and respond "appropriately"to them. As a follower of The four agreements,I work hard at not only "not assuming" but also, at not taking things personally.I also try to be impeccable with my words and would never say anything that I felt would be hurtful or misunderstood.I learned a long time ago never to ask any woman"are you pregnant?" or "Is that your grandchild?"Alas, it is human nature for folks to create drama and suffering by assuming. It's probably selfish and egoic to expect everyone to empathize or identify with your issues/problems/difficulties.I'm certainly not suggesting that we do not extend kindness, compassion, and love towards others, just the opposite, we need to see others as a reflection of ourselves,"ANOTHER ME". But, we should try to avoid the desire for others to KNOW and feed into our sad stories or our "sensitivities".The point is to try to grow beyond your sad stories that tie you down into a state of suffering .When we resist letting go of our "sad stories/difficult times" ,we suffer. And, its human nature to want others to suffer with us. Lets all work on acceptance of what is,of others, of making mistakes, and work on NOT making assumptions or taking things personally.AND, not expecting other folks to know what our issues are. Stop being sensitive! There is always someone ,somewhere who has a much worse sad story than you,someone who is in more pain, or who has more loss.Whether you gain weight and feel "fat" or whether you are struggling financially, or have an illness.Work on a different story, change the words you use,i.e., a "difficult time" becomes "my most valuable lesson" or "my biggest struggle". Let the assumptions fall away, release your sad story, and suffering will be diminished.It's transformational and magic! BTW, here's a photo of me "fat" after delivering my 6lb "watermelon".

letting go of what does not serve your higher purpose

Like the Phoenix, sometimes you have to burn or cut off a part of you that isnt serving you. It may be a family member or an old friend. In many cases, it hurts.It will be painful to let go of someone you have been friends with or known for a long time, but what happens when you grow, is that you are building upon a change inside of you, as you begin to change, others around you may be fearful of the change and may try to bring you 'down',hold you back, keep you the "same".It feels good for them...comfortable to have you be someone they can continue to label,i.e., "he's the shy one" or "She's always so pushy". . they may tell you that you are wrong or bad or selfish, etc....but, if YOU know that the direction you are taking is the true path for YOU, then you must stay on the path even if it means losing the naysayers along the way. your loss may be a friend,a behavior, a job, or even , a marriage.If someone or something is not serving the purpose of your soulwork, let it go.You can recognize these people by the way they make you feel and the words thay say to you.If anyone gives you doubt,ie, "I'm not sure thats going to work out for you" or "Why are wearing that dress?"or "You can't do that!".These are just a few examples of the words that those who doubt will use to keep you from growing, changing, expanding, transforming. Another way of knowing who these folks are is a feeling you may become aware of in your solar plexus,Be attuned to the feeling , tightness, cold, constricted, empty, feeling that is left behind when they leave. Thats a BIG sign of someone who is not serving your higher purpose.
Let go of whatever is not serving your higher purpose.

Home Improvement vs Body "Improvement"

How is fixing up your home ,ie,painting, upgrading the plumbing,buying a colorful rug, etc, different from doing the same with your body? Is trying to improve your looks any different? If we should be accepting of all things, then why plant flowers in the garden?Why hang fabrics on the walls, or have paintings hung? Why is a laser to remove deep wrinkles from the sun damage different from re-plastering your pool that is peeling off? And ,at what point do we distinguish what IS and ISNT vanity? Isnt getting your hair colored vain? Where do we draw a line between what is "accepting of what is" vs. "resistance to what is"? I think we would all agree that putting large globules of material into your lips to achieve "Angelina Jolie" lips is not the same as putting fancy rims on your car,...or is it? What about braces to straighten the teeth? Shaving our face or legs?Or desiring contact lenses over glasses?
How can we rationalize "fixing up our car and home"as any thing different from what we do to our physical appearance?
is it all a matter of vanity to want to do anything to improve, just different degrees of nonacceptance?