at the start of yoga today,we made an intention.Mine was to change old behavioral patterns/habits. By the end of class right as we began corpse pose, Carol told the class to surrender.In my mind ,I pictured Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz". and the black smoke in the sky"SURRENDER DOROTHY" and realized that the movie was a metaphor for the life of illusion we live. As I surrendered into the pose, I knew that I was also surrendering my desperate desire to CHANGE my reactive behaviors, and the anger I felt towards the people that I was directing my reactive behavior to. As soon as I surrendered , I realized that my behavior, my feelings of anger , my feelings of frustration , and my disappointment with myself at being unable to change had dissolved. Just by the power of surrender, I had ceased to resist or fight the behavior and it was changed, In my surrender, I became aware of the "stuckness" of my resistance.Even though I wanted to change ,I was so needy and desirous of change that it actually was keeping me IN the behavior patterns,.That the patterns of behavior were intertwined with my inability to change it.It frustrated me and I couldnt change it, As soon as I relaxed into surrender of what IS , I was able to see...becoming aware,overcoming frustration and changing my desire. WOW.
...and another 12-step program is born. :)
ReplyDeleteSurrender, it is sweet. Even the surrender to perfection reaps peace.
((thanks for being such a wonderful conduit))
I am in a place in my life where change is imminent. I hunger and thirst to succeed beyond where I am at... my graduation in May looms before me, and then, I need to soar some more. Just where I'm at with my own fear these days.
I want to live. Full and beautiful. I must soar... fear or no fear. my life depends on it. Perfectionist? I think yes.